I’m having a good day so far. Why, you ask? Well, if I take one look at my “anti-fitness” tracker it’s immediately apparent — it’s just after 1 PM and I have barely cleared 600 steps for the day so far!
Life is best when I’m immobile, usually reclining or lying down flat. The more I move, the more I hurt. Extra pain points are thrown in when sitting upright or driving. I’ve dubbed my Garmin Vivosmart HR my “anti-fitness” tracker. I use the step count as kind of a quota or a warning system for when I’m doing too much. It alarms me every 2500 steps, and I go on high alert if I ever get the 2nd alarm in a day. Most days I can manage about 3000-4000 steps and have a tolerable amount of pain. However, string too many of these days in a row and I’m pretty much destroyed.
This week I went in to the office for 3 out of 4 days and had high step counts for each day. I had an intern start this week and he’s eager and ready to learn, so I wanted to make sure I got in some quality training especially since I really hope I’ll have spine surgery sometime this month. Fingers crossed. Last night I was a ball of pain, crying intermittently for “no good reason” other than being exhausted and hurty. Aleve doesn’t cut it. My mid-back muscles, the ones that are doing their very best to stabilize my spine, often spasm and seize when they’ve had enough. It’s special.
I use the step count as kind of a quota or a warning system for when I’m doing too much. It alarms me every 2500 steps, and I go on high alert if I ever get the 2nd alarm in a day.
Anyway, that’s enough whining. TODAY is a good day. I slept off and on for about 12 hours last night, and then spent some time lounging in bed after that. I had friends come and visit two nights this week when I’d otherwise be alone, which really helps me feel less lonely and distracts me from the pain. If I can keep my step count low today and tomorrow it will really help set me up for a good week next week!
I MIGHT (maybe, might, super tentative, completely unfounded, fake news) be able to have spine surgery soon. Very soon. Like, in 2.5 weeks-soon. This is pending insurance approval and if my doc can find an adequate surgery time-slot. (Surgery is 8-ish hours long according to what I’ve read, so it’s not like he can just “fit me in” last minute.) My surgeon had an inquisition with the insurance company this past week, right before he went on vacation. His patient coordinator said he literally did the call, then ran out the door to start his holiday. I feel special that he’d delay his time off, even by a little bit, to argue with the insurance’s board of doctors as to why I need surgery and what materials to use.
I MIGHT (maybe, might, super tentative, completely unfounded, fake news) be able to have spine surgery soon. Very soon.
The patient coordinator thinks that perhaps I’ll be insurance-approved on Monday sometime, and there are 2 perfect open surgery days in mid-June that I could snag. I’m simultaneously excited, terrified, and trying to not get my hopes up in case they get crushed. I am so fucking sick of living like this. I’ve been coming up with ways to cheer myself up — thus, the “anti-fitness” device — I think it’s absolutely hilarious, being more intentional about letting people help me, and being less of a recluse. Keep your fingers crossed that I get good news on Monday!!!